A very funny name for a blog post, but two very important questions that I, in particular, have been trying to figure out. Weird, right? Obviously, my name is Marly (well, it's actuallly Marlena, but we'll skip over that detail...) and second of all, my dad's name is Jim. But that's not really what I was getting at. I should probably explain myself.
Let me just set up this post with a little background story of where I am and what I'm trying to get at here. I am currently at a very critical point in life...one I regret putting myself in, actually. I moved away from home almost six months ago and have been working my tail off just trying to survive. Not in the "provision" sense...the family I'm living with has taken VERY good care of me, and I'm extremely thankful for all the sacrifices their family has made for me. I'm talking about the emotional and mental staying alive. Granted, I'm much more stable than I used to be, but there's still a constant battle of keeping my spirits up and choosing to take things one day at at time. So...there's that. I'm also working a job that I really, really dislike. I should be thankful, but almost every day I wake up wanting to cry because I dread the day...not really a good thing. The job itself is great...my boss is very flexible and gives me a lot of grace (like a goldfish) and it actually pays well. When comparing myself to other teenagers like me, I have it pretty well off! I, however, am just getting very discouraged about my job and am getting to the end of my rope there. I'm also struggling with the VERY strong desire to have a car for myself. Ugh...I almost hate wanting one sometimes. I applied for a loan to get one, because it was necessary, but got denied because I've never owed money in the past. Can I just insert at this point in time that I think this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my entire life? Well too bad..I just did!
I'm not saying all this to get pity, I'm saying it because it'll make my actual point of the blog seem much more clear. I'm currently in a predicament that's giving me a little kick in the pants to start getting a life of my own...something I've dreamed of since I was a little kid. Now that I'm here, though, it seems a heck of a lot scarier than I thought it would be. I decided to jump out there, however, and see how far I could get using the "skills" that my mom has equipped me with the handle the world. As a result, I now have a very nice apartment secured for some time this summer. Yes, I'll be living in the apartment above my grandparents, and yes, they have conditions, but could I really ask for any more?? I'm extremely happy! I'm extremely thankful! And I'm extremely nervous!One of the conditions that my grandparents have for renting the apartment out to me is that I need to be going to school and getting an education. Honestly, I'm really happy that they set this up. Just another kick in the pants to get me to live my own life and start in the real world. This, however, brings me to my first question...
What's Yo Name??
More importantly to me, what's MY name...a question I've been asking myself for a long time. Yeah, yeah...my name is Marlena...but that doesn't do squat to let people know who I am. Say you're playing "Guess This Person" with your friends and you need to describe someone to the group until they guess who it is. You obviously can't just say their name...it's going to take some key descriptions for them to guess. Now. What would someone say if they picked my name out of the hat and had to describe me until the group guessed? What would they say? What would they be saying to describe me in five years? That's what I want to know! By choosing to go to college, I need to decided what I want to do...and essentially, who I am.
Anybody who knows me will tell you that I'm a human yo-yo. Emotionally, educationally, personality-wise, you name it! I'm up and down all the time. In the past I've thought about taking college courses and going somewhere for school, and it's actually been pretty funny to look back and see what I've said. Let me prove my point and give you a list of the things I've said I wanted to be:
An Engineer
A McDonalds worker
A "pay lady" at any grocery store that will take me :P
An English teacher
A music teacher
A singer
A stage hand
An Actress
A flight attendent
A social worker
A children's therapist
A physical therapist
A phone representative
An administrative assistant
A reporter
An author
A Make A Wish assistant
Annnnd the list goes on. Theses are, by no means, in order, but it just gives you a little taste of where I've been in the past few years. All that to say, I'm at a point where I seriously need to decide what I want to do. When I look back and think about the whole thing, I've discovered that the one and only thing that I come back to is anything having to do with music and theater. I don't know where I want to go in that direction, but it's a very obvious desire of mine, and I'm wondering if that's something I would/should pursue. As of now, I'm not making any definite decisions. I know that every time I get my hopes up about something...anything!...it NEVER works out. Enough of that...I'm taking the waves as they come! So in answer to my first question, I have no idea what my name is. I've made 0 impact in the world as of yet, but that's my mission...make a name for myself in whatever situation I'm in. For now, I'm not doing so good. Thankfully, I'm young enough that I can probably do something about that...time, though...time...
My second, and more important questions...
Who's Yo Daddy??
Who's my daddy? Who? Well...long story. I was born to a mom and a dad on July 1, 1993. No, I don't remember an awful lot, but what I do remember is that he didn't stick around. However, when I was three years old, I was blessed with a new, and much better, daddy. He's been my dad for about 16 years now, and I couldn't have asked for a better one. I say that now, but I confess, I haven't always felt that way. I've been blind for most of that time, taking for granted everything that he's done for me, and only focusing on the things that he hasn't done for me. When it comes to selfish people, I'm #1 on the list. Jim/Dad has been the best goldfish any dad could ever have been for me here on earth...the grace he's shown me is tremendous, and the love, even more so. He rescued my mom, me, and my older sister from being alone...what else do we want. He's given me all the things I've hoped for...music lessons, awesome birthday parties/presents, a great home, and a loving family. His highlighted moment in my life was when he took me to New York City for my senior trip/birthday gift. I'm literally getting teary right now just thinking about it. I'm a dreamer...a BIG dreamer. New York City with top of the list...and he took me there. Not only did he bring me, he took me to my dreams within the dreams...museums galore! Times Square! Shopping SHOpping SHOPPING! A show on Broadway! But was I thankful? Oh yeah, you bet I was...but did I tell him? Guess. Nope...I didn't...at least, not in a way that a truly thankful person should have. All the love that my dad's given me, and I ignored it, taking only what I wanted and rejecting everything else. Thinking about it makes me sick. I've come near to destroying one of those relationships in life that nobody ever should have. What a miserable thing.
It's not meant to be a sob story...in fact, I'll be really surprised if anybody in the world actually read this and got this far. This is a personal confession, and it's something I'm dealing with. My Daddy is Jim, and I'm starting to realize how miserable I am for wrecking things with him. Relationships take time, and now it's a waiting game...doing what I can to fix things with him. Only time will tell.
Now...up to this point in time, I've named two "daddy's" that I've had in life right now. But there's one more...someone who's relationship I've ruined even more than my relationship with Jim. That's my relationship with God...another Dad that I'm supposed to have. This has been a huge struggle my whole life, and something I'm still having a hard time with. As a human yo-yo, naturally my relationship with God has been as up and down as an eyelid with dirt in it. Do I trust Him? Do I not? Will I listen to Him? Will I not? I've had so many questions that I don't really think there are answers to. The real question is...what am I going to do about it??
At this point, I honestly admit that I have some serious trust issues. I used to be the kind of person that would put my completel trust in you, but things have gone downhill since than. Trusting people isn't easy...I've been burned too many times to want to try it again. It seems like with God, especially, every time I go to trust Him, He leaves me out in the cold. Where is God when my world falls down? What happened to all those awesome promises that He made in the Bible? Why do I seem to be the only Christian alive that God doesn't bless? There has been a rumor going around for a few years that I'm not really a christian because of all my doubts and troubles. I'd like to say from my own mouth one thing to those people. Believe what you want...I'm a Christian, I have no doubt. Everybody's got ups and downs...I just have more than usual, but I don't doubt my salvation in the least. If you'd like to convince me otherwise, go ahead. I'm easily persuaded when it comes to my faults. Let me just say that you're not helping me by convincing me that I'm not saved...so please don't even try.
Not sure what else to say at this point. God is who He is and I am who I am. If this is going to be a two way relationship, I'm going to have to make a choice to move. Something I've finally realized might just help me out a little. Since my whole "situation" that came up a long time ago, I've been searching for love...unconditional and unjudgemental love. However, I've canceled myself out by rejecting all the love I've been offered...not very helpful. All that to say, my next move?? Accept the love that's being offered, beginning with God. Seems like a simple choice, but not easy for me. Poo-poo it all you want, but that's just me :)
Marly
Friday, May 4, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Give It Up
Okay, so...Velena is dead :( So much for those stories I hear from people where they say, "I can't get my stupid fish to die!" Well, guess what people?? I CAN'T GET MINE TO LIVE! *sigh* I was at work the other day thinking about my bad luck with pets and wondering if I should try and get another fish. Maybe I needed more water conditioner? Maybe I needed the transfer from bag to tank to be ultra smooth? But I'd tried all of that! Finally, I said out loud, "I give up!" Most of the time I have bad luck, but sometimes I have a really cool moment...this was one of those times :D Just as I admitted defeat, Josh Groban started singing "Don't Give Up" from my iPod. I have to admit, I laughed out loud.
Then I started thinking...how many times have I said that? "I give up." How many times have you said it? I know for me, in the past I've said it about so many things! School, relationships, work. I have to admit, I almost gave up on life at one point too...but that's another story :) What I'd like to talk about is my most recent "I give up." Was it a bad thing? Hmmm...
I suppose you could say I'm a bit of a "relationship magnet." I love hearing about other people's interests and helping them out as much as I can. I'm a sucker for love stories...not Disney ones...real life true love stories. I hate to admit it, but it's true :P I constantly have people telling me who they "like," asking me if I think they look good together, and requesting advice. The last one really used to puzzle me. I've never been in a relationship before, so what would I know? I guess it's my outside opinion that they like to hear about. Besides, I've seen a lot of relationships go wrong before, and tend to have an idea on why. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind. In fact, I love helping people out with any advice I can give!
I was thinking about the whole thing the other day and realized that I currently have five "clients" asking me for advice about his/her boyfriend/girlfriend and what the heck should they do about this or that. It was one of those fan-freaking-tastic days where the warm sun was beaming, a cool breeze was blowing, and the birds were singing the Hallelujah chorus in the trees. Ya know...the weather that gets you a little love-sick? Under normal circumstances, the beauty of it all would have made me ecstatically happy, but on that particular day, I was feeling a little discouraged. There I was with five friends sharing their happiness with me over finding love, and I didn't have a clue as to what they were talking about. Love? Sounds great! But...whaaaa??
I'm a girl. Yup. It's true. I'm one of those creatures that really wants Prince Charming to come riding gloriously in on a gleaming white horse, ready to sweep you off your feet. No...wait. Change that...I'm not. I'm a girl, yes, but Prince Charming?? Uh-uh...ride on, Charmy, I've got a better idea. So maybe I don't want a Prince Charming...what do I want? I'll tell you. I want...
A SUPERHERO!!
I want Super Hottie to come flying in, his cape flowing behind him as he swoops down and rescues me from the evil villain Dr. Single-Pants. To be honest, once upon a time I thought I knew who he was. He was my hero. Come to find out, he wanted to rescue some other maiden in distress. So what now? Well, my automatic response was "I give up." I wasn't good enough. Not pretty enough. Not smart enough. Not...well, you get the idea. What happens when the Prince finds a different Princess. Do you give it up? You betchya!
Whaaaa?? You're probably saying that to yourself right now, but let me explain. There are two kinds of "I give up" in this situation. My first "I give up" can be explained like this. Obviously I didn't fit the frame of the girl that Super Hottie wantedd, right? He chose someone sweet, pretty, and smart. So in my mind, that makes me stupid, ugly, and dumb. Wait a minute...is that right? Is there really only one sweet, pretty, smart girl in the world? No way! My initial "give it up" was a form of self-destruction. I tore myself down for not being everything that Super Hottie wanted. I gave up on myself, on relationships in general, and on any other superhero out there. This, my friends, is the wrong form of "giving it up." There is, however, the second choice. I finally made this and have found more peace in the matter than ever before...and that was "giving it up" to Jesus...the Superhero of Superheroes.
God created us girls to like guys. God created you guys to like girls. That's just the way it is. Any other way is just twisted and wrong. Girls and guys are supposed to be together, and when they get married, it's for life. When pursuing a relationship, then, shouldn't you be absolutely SURE that you're getting the right Prince/Superhero? Think about it this way: God knows absolutely EVERYTHING. And when I say that, I'm not stretching any truths. He knows when happened in the past, he's knows what's going on now, and He knows what will happen in every second of the future. Yyyyyup! That includes knowing who you're going to end up with. Now look at yourself. You know some about the past, but can you really be sure you were born at the right hospital?? As for what's going on now, I know for a fact that I'm sitting here on my bed typing, Beenieman is doing homework, and everybody else is sleeping. But what's going on in Belize right now? Is there are party going on in Madrid? I don't know...could be! But the fact is, I don't know. Now for the future. I know that I'll be going to work tomorrow and planting fuschia's in #12...or do I? Who says I won't wake up sick and have to spend all day in bed? Or maybe my boss with have me work in #2 with Cranky. Long story short, I don't know anything about the future.
All that being said, do we really want to be the ones to decide which Prince/Superhero is right for us? I sure don't! If I pick, it's really a wild stab in the dark as to whether or not it'll work out in the future. If God picks, though, it's a sure win...and He already knows it! I mean, what if Rapunzel decided that she really wanted to marry the beast. Lol...sorry, that's a funny thought :D Or what if Louis Lane decided that Batman is a better match for her? Imagine the day she realized that Bruce Wayne isn't the awkward little newspaper guy she had a little crush on. She wakes up one day and realizes that she doesn't want to be rich...she just wants to spend time with her husband. Unfortunately, she can't, because he's off at some uppity meeting in Japan for the week. How would she feel then??
I suppose the point I'm trying to make is this. Don't "give up" when the love of your lif doesn't return the favor. "Give it up" to God and let Him let you know in His own good time who Mr. Right really is. I have no doubt that if you leave it in His hands, He'll give you exactly what you've always been looking for. I know, I know...it's hard to wait. Trust me, I'm waiting right along with you! But I made the choice to "give it up" and I'm confident that if it's God's will, Mighty Man will fly into my life and lay the world at my feet. If not, ya know what? It's okay! Jesus is the ultimate Superhero anyway :) He protects, He fights for, and He loves. Gee...what else could I be looking for??
Then I started thinking...how many times have I said that? "I give up." How many times have you said it? I know for me, in the past I've said it about so many things! School, relationships, work. I have to admit, I almost gave up on life at one point too...but that's another story :) What I'd like to talk about is my most recent "I give up." Was it a bad thing? Hmmm...
I suppose you could say I'm a bit of a "relationship magnet." I love hearing about other people's interests and helping them out as much as I can. I'm a sucker for love stories...not Disney ones...real life true love stories. I hate to admit it, but it's true :P I constantly have people telling me who they "like," asking me if I think they look good together, and requesting advice. The last one really used to puzzle me. I've never been in a relationship before, so what would I know? I guess it's my outside opinion that they like to hear about. Besides, I've seen a lot of relationships go wrong before, and tend to have an idea on why. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind. In fact, I love helping people out with any advice I can give!
I was thinking about the whole thing the other day and realized that I currently have five "clients" asking me for advice about his/her boyfriend/girlfriend and what the heck should they do about this or that. It was one of those fan-freaking-tastic days where the warm sun was beaming, a cool breeze was blowing, and the birds were singing the Hallelujah chorus in the trees. Ya know...the weather that gets you a little love-sick? Under normal circumstances, the beauty of it all would have made me ecstatically happy, but on that particular day, I was feeling a little discouraged. There I was with five friends sharing their happiness with me over finding love, and I didn't have a clue as to what they were talking about. Love? Sounds great! But...whaaaa??
I'm a girl. Yup. It's true. I'm one of those creatures that really wants Prince Charming to come riding gloriously in on a gleaming white horse, ready to sweep you off your feet. No...wait. Change that...I'm not. I'm a girl, yes, but Prince Charming?? Uh-uh...ride on, Charmy, I've got a better idea. So maybe I don't want a Prince Charming...what do I want? I'll tell you. I want...
A SUPERHERO!!
I want Super Hottie to come flying in, his cape flowing behind him as he swoops down and rescues me from the evil villain Dr. Single-Pants. To be honest, once upon a time I thought I knew who he was. He was my hero. Come to find out, he wanted to rescue some other maiden in distress. So what now? Well, my automatic response was "I give up." I wasn't good enough. Not pretty enough. Not smart enough. Not...well, you get the idea. What happens when the Prince finds a different Princess. Do you give it up? You betchya!
Whaaaa?? You're probably saying that to yourself right now, but let me explain. There are two kinds of "I give up" in this situation. My first "I give up" can be explained like this. Obviously I didn't fit the frame of the girl that Super Hottie wantedd, right? He chose someone sweet, pretty, and smart. So in my mind, that makes me stupid, ugly, and dumb. Wait a minute...is that right? Is there really only one sweet, pretty, smart girl in the world? No way! My initial "give it up" was a form of self-destruction. I tore myself down for not being everything that Super Hottie wanted. I gave up on myself, on relationships in general, and on any other superhero out there. This, my friends, is the wrong form of "giving it up." There is, however, the second choice. I finally made this and have found more peace in the matter than ever before...and that was "giving it up" to Jesus...the Superhero of Superheroes.
God created us girls to like guys. God created you guys to like girls. That's just the way it is. Any other way is just twisted and wrong. Girls and guys are supposed to be together, and when they get married, it's for life. When pursuing a relationship, then, shouldn't you be absolutely SURE that you're getting the right Prince/Superhero? Think about it this way: God knows absolutely EVERYTHING. And when I say that, I'm not stretching any truths. He knows when happened in the past, he's knows what's going on now, and He knows what will happen in every second of the future. Yyyyyup! That includes knowing who you're going to end up with. Now look at yourself. You know some about the past, but can you really be sure you were born at the right hospital?? As for what's going on now, I know for a fact that I'm sitting here on my bed typing, Beenieman is doing homework, and everybody else is sleeping. But what's going on in Belize right now? Is there are party going on in Madrid? I don't know...could be! But the fact is, I don't know. Now for the future. I know that I'll be going to work tomorrow and planting fuschia's in #12...or do I? Who says I won't wake up sick and have to spend all day in bed? Or maybe my boss with have me work in #2 with Cranky. Long story short, I don't know anything about the future.
All that being said, do we really want to be the ones to decide which Prince/Superhero is right for us? I sure don't! If I pick, it's really a wild stab in the dark as to whether or not it'll work out in the future. If God picks, though, it's a sure win...and He already knows it! I mean, what if Rapunzel decided that she really wanted to marry the beast. Lol...sorry, that's a funny thought :D Or what if Louis Lane decided that Batman is a better match for her? Imagine the day she realized that Bruce Wayne isn't the awkward little newspaper guy she had a little crush on. She wakes up one day and realizes that she doesn't want to be rich...she just wants to spend time with her husband. Unfortunately, she can't, because he's off at some uppity meeting in Japan for the week. How would she feel then??
I suppose the point I'm trying to make is this. Don't "give up" when the love of your lif doesn't return the favor. "Give it up" to God and let Him let you know in His own good time who Mr. Right really is. I have no doubt that if you leave it in His hands, He'll give you exactly what you've always been looking for. I know, I know...it's hard to wait. Trust me, I'm waiting right along with you! But I made the choice to "give it up" and I'm confident that if it's God's will, Mighty Man will fly into my life and lay the world at my feet. If not, ya know what? It's okay! Jesus is the ultimate Superhero anyway :) He protects, He fights for, and He loves. Gee...what else could I be looking for??
Saturday, March 10, 2012
To Be, Or Not To Be...Gracious...
Okay, I'll admit it...I have a VERY hard time being gracious. I think it's one of those things that I'm capable of, but I haven't put enough practice into it to be good at it. One area I found this to be true in is at restaurants. When food is prepared for me in a restaurant, I expect it to be done just how I like it. If it doesn't come out the way I planned, I tend to get upset with the cook, the waitress, and everybody else within 10 feet of me. I know it's weird, but everybody's gotta have some kind of pet peeve, right?
This weekend we're on a girl date up in Maine. Laddie brought me, Beenieman, Mickey, and Creepy up here because Beenieman was playing her cello in a church service and we decided to make it girl weekend! Good times, good times :) While we're here, Laddie had some friends that she wanted to meet up with for supper. We ended up at a very small, but very cute Italian restaurant.
For an appetizer, I decided on calamari and Beeniman picked the mushroom cap. The mushroom cap was delicious, but the calamari was...well, it was "meh." To me, it tasted a little old and more rubbery than expected. But dipped in the tomato sauce and paired with a jalapeno pepper, it was much better!
I have to say, I was a little disappointed and annoyed with the calamari, but decided to let it side and order my main entre. I was having the HARDEST time trying to decide what I wanted! There was a pasta with prosciutto and asparagus sauce that looked really good, but there was also a mushroom dish that looked equally delicious. I finally decided on the prosciutto and asparagus...
It looked amazing on my plate, and I was soooo excited to try it! Unfortunately, I started getting extremely frusterated with my choice. The pasta was undercooked, the asparagus was overcooked, and the whole thing was extremely over salted. I guess you could say I was a little upset with the cook. They had NOT cooked my meal the way I wanted it done. What's the point of going out to eat if you're food is worse than home-cooked, right? On top of that, I had to ask for a refill, instead of being offered. I'm not a huge water drinker, so to have my empty glass of pepsi ignored by our waitress made me quite unhappy.
I know, I know...I was being really selfish...and ungraciour. The little restaurant was packed tonight and our waitress had just started working there. Instead of thinking about how overwhelmed the cook may have been and how stressed our waitress may have been, I was only thinking about myself and how uncomfortable I was.
It may seem like one of those small things that doesn't seem to make much of a difference, but I think it really does. I didn't say anything to the waitress about being unhappy with my experience, but that's not what I'm worried about. I was my selfish thoughts that I'm concerned with..and I'm sure I'm not the only one. I, and I'm sure other people, have fallen into a habit of thinking that the world revolves around one person...ourselves. In reality, the world should revolve around one person...Jesus Christ. No, He's not here in human form anymore, but that's what we Christians are for! Jesus lives in us, and we should be doing our very best to act, serve, and think like Jesus. My thoughts certainly weren't anything like what Jesus' would have been. Instead, they were selfish and ungrateful for what I'd been given. I think this is problem that we should all be careful of in ourselves. I know my personal goal is to think of others more than ourselves...just like Jesus would have and did...many times. I wonder if Jesus ever visited someone's house and didn't like the food they were serving? Whether or not He did, I guarantee he wouldn't have/didn't reacte the way I did!
*sigh* As I come to the end of another post, I have one more thing I'd like to say. Remember Brandolese? My goldfish? Well, she died the night I got her. Yes, I'll miss her forever...I feel like such a horrible mother! But to make up for it, I decided to go for it again. Beenieman and I went back out last week and I got another fish. I don't have pictures up yet, but she is ADORABLE! She's gold, obviously, but around the edge of her tail and on the tip of her fins is black. She's a stylish little fishy, and I named her Velena. (If you've seen The Expendables, the name should be familiar ;) As of today, she's still alive and well, so I'll try and put pictures up soon! Ciao!
This weekend we're on a girl date up in Maine. Laddie brought me, Beenieman, Mickey, and Creepy up here because Beenieman was playing her cello in a church service and we decided to make it girl weekend! Good times, good times :) While we're here, Laddie had some friends that she wanted to meet up with for supper. We ended up at a very small, but very cute Italian restaurant.
For an appetizer, I decided on calamari and Beeniman picked the mushroom cap. The mushroom cap was delicious, but the calamari was...well, it was "meh." To me, it tasted a little old and more rubbery than expected. But dipped in the tomato sauce and paired with a jalapeno pepper, it was much better!
It may seem like one of those small things that doesn't seem to make much of a difference, but I think it really does. I didn't say anything to the waitress about being unhappy with my experience, but that's not what I'm worried about. I was my selfish thoughts that I'm concerned with..and I'm sure I'm not the only one. I, and I'm sure other people, have fallen into a habit of thinking that the world revolves around one person...ourselves. In reality, the world should revolve around one person...Jesus Christ. No, He's not here in human form anymore, but that's what we Christians are for! Jesus lives in us, and we should be doing our very best to act, serve, and think like Jesus. My thoughts certainly weren't anything like what Jesus' would have been. Instead, they were selfish and ungrateful for what I'd been given. I think this is problem that we should all be careful of in ourselves. I know my personal goal is to think of others more than ourselves...just like Jesus would have and did...many times. I wonder if Jesus ever visited someone's house and didn't like the food they were serving? Whether or not He did, I guarantee he wouldn't have/didn't reacte the way I did!
*sigh* As I come to the end of another post, I have one more thing I'd like to say. Remember Brandolese? My goldfish? Well, she died the night I got her. Yes, I'll miss her forever...I feel like such a horrible mother! But to make up for it, I decided to go for it again. Beenieman and I went back out last week and I got another fish. I don't have pictures up yet, but she is ADORABLE! She's gold, obviously, but around the edge of her tail and on the tip of her fins is black. She's a stylish little fishy, and I named her Velena. (If you've seen The Expendables, the name should be familiar ;) As of today, she's still alive and well, so I'll try and put pictures up soon! Ciao!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
The Grace of a Goldfish
God has created many, many beautiful animals in the world, but I believe he paid special attention when He created the goldfish. The shiny, golden scales. The flowing, delicate fins. The bulgy, adorable eyeballs. This little fish may seem like a small part of the world, but for people like me, they make a big impact. For my first pet, I had a goldfish named Charlie. I remember carrying him home in the jiggly plastic bag, excited to put him into his new bowl/home and feed him his first “home delivered” meal. For a kid, a pet is a big responsibility. Even a goldfish requires some attention to cleaning it's tank and making sure it has the right amount of food. I would know...I just bought one and named her Brandolese :D It's not like I've had an attraction to goldfish my whole life, but I've had my share of the cute little guys. Just recently, I've rekindled my fascination of them and found an interesting application in my life.
Have you ever heard that the memory span of a goldfish is only 3 seconds? Yeah, yeah, that myth was busted, but think about it! What can a goldfish really know? Does it have feeling? Does it hold grudges? Will it give you the cold shoulder when you forget to feed it one morning? In all honesty, I think goldfish are one of the most forgiving of animals. It's not like they freak out or anything...they simply...forgive and forget. For me, a very passionate person, this is incredible! Rejection is one of my biggest fears, and I have confidence that Brandolese (my goldfish) will never reject me. If I forget to feed her, she won't blow angry bubbles at me. If I'm one day late in cleaning out her tank, she won't role her buggy eyes at me. If I accidentally break her favorite piece of seaweed in the tank, she won't turn her tail fin on me and float away, annoyed.
If I have this much confidence in something as small and simple as a goldfish, why is it so hard to have this much confidence in God? Granted, there is a huge difference between God and a goldfish. First of all, He created it. Secondly, He controls the universe. Thirdly, He loves me more than Brandolese ever could. But I do think that God can use the goldfish to get a hold of strange people like me :P If I think a goldfish is gracious and forgiving of my mistakes, think of how much more God is! I've always struggled with the thought that God is a mean, old man in the sky, looking down at me with His arms crossed, just waiting to punish me when I slip up and make a mistake. In reality, God is just as gracious as a goldfish, and a million times more!
It seems silly...comparing God to a goldfish, but it makes sense, doesn't it? When an artist creates something, there is usually something in the work of art that points to who made it...a little distinction. Since God is the artist of everything, it's easy to see Him in creation. I think He made Himself known in a really cool way in the goldfish. Whether or not we see God in a flower or a goldfish, the most important thing we need to know about Him is that He loves us and is gracious to us every day of our lives. It's my hope and prayer that someday I'll be full of love and grace...grace like a goldfish.
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